Love them but from a Safe Distance!

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Someone recently asked me “How do I unlove a person” and my first reaction was how can you even think of that, it's a myth. When you invest your energy or time on someone, you leave a part of you with them, forever! My close friend is struggling to leave a relationship in which she has invested 9 years of her life. She is highly attached to him and cannot let go of him at any cost because she thinks of her invested time, energy and emotions which were completely in loss. She knew for years that she wouldn't be happy with him but planning to marry him real soon because she accepted her suffering. When I talk to her, I completely understand where she is coming from, people pass judgements and suggestions but she feels helpless due to many psychological factors. No one is here to blame, not even the guy but the SELF.


There are instances in life where you do accept or normalise certain circumstances of life which are toxic for any healthy human being. Both of them are not happy, they are attached to each other. They have created a comfort zone in each other’s presence which is destroying them now. None of them is brave enough to walk out of the relationship because of the fear of the unknown. The unknown is inexplicable. Currently, most of us are holding onto things/people who do not make us happy. At times we need to understand and look for the best alternative available in our loving  relationships. Love is obviously not about bringing the worst in each other but to let them what they are or accepting them as it is. It's best to practice love from a distance for the sanity of our souls. 


So, I told my friend that you do not “UNLOVE” someone you love. There is no term like “Unloving someone”, it's man-made. It is to offer relief to your own heart and soul. The point being, If you love someone you love them, there is no condition attached to it. There is no label or definition for it to define this abstract.


The cycle goes on forever, You love someone ➡️ you spend a great time together ➡️ you see your future together ➡️ something happened ➡️ you try to make things right but eventually ➡️ BREAKUP.

Nobody has control over certain things in life. You gotta accept what’s in front of you. Now, if we talk about UNLOVING someone, that’s not what do you want because you cannot stop loving that someone ever. They will be always there with you, inside you because love never goes away.


Instead, you may want to stop letting their thoughts overpower you or bother you currently because that’s possible unloving could be for now.


Steps to UNLOVE someone: 

  • Delete their pictures/ texts / emails etc.

  • Delete them from your contact.

  • Do not hate them.

  • When the thought arises, let it be. Send them positive energy.

  • If you see anything which reminds you of your time together, just let it be and remember the happy feeling. (I know it's going to be very hard but that’s the lesson here).

  • Do not contact them when you are feeling like talking to them or hearing them once but trust me, that will keep you entangled for years.

  • Do not assume stuff about them. Ex- What they must be doing? Are they going to get live on Bumble? etc etc. That’s their life. YOU ARE NOT A PART OF IT ANYMORE. Remember, they will also need something to get over you.

  • Focus on building your strengths. If it's hard to discipline yourself. Practice Discipline for days. Challenge yourself.

  • Stay away from social media for a while.

  • Rebuild your inner self.

  • Detox is required.

  • Go out for physical activities.

  • Process why it did not work out and it is for your sane mind.


Things would be difficult initially. But with the time you will see a drastic change in you and the way you will start perceiving things. This is life. Life is here to teach you, challenge you, lure you with things and people but do not fall for any trap. Work accordingly.


In case you want to vent it all out or talk to someone. Do reach me. I am always here. Sometimes just venting it all out could help a person a lot. Share with someone who needs to hear it or struggling to get out.


More power to you !!
The idea behind starting "The Purple Anxiety" is to be a mental health advocate. Anxiety was one of my best friends but that was one hell of a journey. It took years to understand my triggers and what makes me feel safe. Today, a lot of us are suffering through these unwanted messages our bodies send us quite often whenever any uncomfortable situation arises. Some of us are aware of all the why's but again not everyone knows what's going inside us. I have been there, felt that pain and tracked a way out of it. I am lucky enough to find a way but it doesn't mean we have to keep the journey all by ourselves. I want to share my triggers, my why's and how miserable I felt whenever anxiety kicked in my body. I feel the more we share our emotional trauma bonds, the more we feel that we are not alone in this anymore. People want to feel safe, seen and heard. And That's the goal of The Purple Anxiety to make everyone feel safe.

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