The Purple Anxiety

 

  "It's an entire world of just sixty-four squares. I feel safe in it. I can control it. I can dominate it. And it's predictable. So if I get hurt, I only have myself to blame."   - Beth Harmon (The Queen's Gambit) Patterns are everywhere in every form. People have certain patterns that are injurious to health. It takes time to build patterns and ages to break them. Everyday habits make our pattern and we get used to it. It is hard to break patterns but possible with Self-discipline and Self-aware assistance. People with long term patterns suffer and feel helpless at times. I know someone who has a pattern of going back and forth for people for whom they care and love. But this isn't it, these patterns will suck out your life and you will feel stuck.  Patterns are repetitive. They will repeat themselves and you won’t even realize because there is comfort, no fear of the unknown.   The basic fear of the unknown never lets you move out and keeps you safe. We all

  " Whenever you experience the pangs of losing something, don't treat it like a part of yourself but as a breakable glass, so when it falls you will remember that and won't be troubled. So too, whenever you kiss your child, sibling, or friend, don't layer on top of the experience all the things you might wish, but hold them back and stop them, just as those who ride behind triumphant generals remind them they are mortal. In the same way, remind yourself that your precious one isn't one of your possessions, but some thing given for now, not forever... " -EPICTETUS, DISCOURSES, 3.24.84-86a Since yesterday, I have been feeling a little insecure about my existence yet again. I haven't had this feeling since months lately. I really don’t know what’s wrong but again something is bothering me and I could not locate what is wrong with me. Why I have started feeling incapable yet again. There could be a lot of reasons for this but I think I haven't healed from

Lately, I was thinking what possible fear any human being could have in their lives? I even anonymously asked a few folks (conducted a small survey) and to my surprise the answer was slightly similar amongst all. Most of us fear losing someone special or human connection. We all fear abandonment and that’s what I observed amongst people of familiar age group. Even if we draw a trajectory around fear, we will find people cannot survive alone and they want someone by their side. Preferably, that’s why marriages are created to keep two living beings who can possibly survive together. There is this instil fear and then our theory to adjust after marriages. Our manual for living prohibits hopping from one partner to another or breaking of marriage. The Ultimate goal is to be with someone with whom you can share and grow. I have seen people who are stagnant due to severe obsession or love for their victim role. They perceive themselves as victims and keep themselves in that shell where peopl