The Purple Anxiety

  "It's an entire world of just sixty-four squares. I feel safe in it. I can control it. I can dominate it. And it's predictable. So if I get hurt, I only have myself to blame."   - Beth Harmon (The Queen's Gambit) Patterns are everywhere in every form. People have certain patterns that are injurious to health. It takes time to build patterns and ages to break them. Everyday habits make our pattern and we get used to it. It is hard to break patterns but possible with Self-discipline and Self-aware assistance. People with long term patterns suffer and feel helpless at times. I know someone who has a pattern of going back and forth for people for whom they care and love. But this isn't it, these patterns will suck out your life and you will feel stuck.  Patterns are repetitive. They will repeat themselves and you won’t even realize because there is comfort, no fear of the unknown.   The basic fear of the unknown never lets you move out and keeps you safe. We all...

  " Whenever you experience the pangs of losing something, don't treat it like a part of yourself but as a breakable glass, so when it falls you will remember that and won't be troubled. So too, whenever you kiss your child, sibling, or friend, don't layer on top of the experience all the things you might wish, but hold them back and stop them, just as those who ride behind triumphant generals remind them they are mortal. In the same way, remind yourself that your precious one isn't one of your possessions, but some thing given for now, not forever... " -EPICTETUS, DISCOURSES, 3.24.84-86a Since yesterday, I have been feeling a little insecure about my existence yet again. I haven't had this feeling since months lately. I really don’t know what’s wrong but again something is bothering me and I could not locate what is wrong with me. Why I have started feeling incapable yet again. There could be a lot of reasons for this but I think I haven't healed from...

  Attachment is inevitable for humans because we tend to care and react to our emotions quite often. We are prone to fall back due to our ability to feel strong emotions for things that are close to us in life. People like me are insecure about their existence and then they try to look for someone who can fulfill them, we fail. We all are coming from somewhere and heading somewhere with all the experiences we have had once, we are the product of our past. We learned things from our childhood and how we are being treated by our caregivers defines us today. Not entirely but a part of it says a lot about our current personality. With the kind of attachment we had with our caregivers/parents, there is a possibility that it defines our ongoing relationship with people in general.  If I talk about my childhood, it was a normal healthy childhood according to my parents, where they pamper their first kid a lot, offer everything they ever craved for and when it comes to being strict ...