Why Attachment is Injurious to Health!

 

Attachment is inevitable for humans because we tend to care and react to our emotions quite often. We are prone to fall back due to our ability to feel strong emotions for things that are close to us in life. People like me are insecure about their existence and then they try to look for someone who can fulfill them, we fail. We all are coming from somewhere and heading somewhere with all the experiences we have had once, we are the product of our past. We learned things from our childhood and how we are being treated by our caregivers defines us today. Not entirely but a part of it says a lot about our current personality. With the kind of attachment we had with our caregivers/parents, there is a possibility that it defines our ongoing relationship with people in general. 

If I talk about my childhood, it was a normal healthy childhood according to my parents, where they pamper their first kid a lot, offer everything they ever craved for and when it comes to being strict they scare you with this thought of sending you to some hostel so that you can become a good kid in future. Someone who is highly pampered and loved by all (maternal + paternal sides) is dreaded for being stubborn at times. 

My parents love me like crazy even today, they don’t let me cry for petty things or anything at all. They can offer me the best of both worlds. No doubt that there love is pure but now when I am 25 years old with numerous inner issues, I started to realize that love is not enough for a kid who is growing, who might have a mental crisis later in her adult life. Mental crises are there with everyone but few acknowledge them, rest live with that and others die. 

In my teen years, I used to blame my parents for the wrong kind of parenting they did with me and still not accepting the fact that my emotional insecurity is because of them. That was the real war I had with them for ages but that never came to any closure. Later, I managed to understand from where they are also coming and they have their battles followed by an enormous list of struggles to survive in this society. They did their best in every possible aspect but they didn’t know the repercussions of being so loving and attached. 

Since I was a kid, I had this notion of attachment as love and love as an attachment. I become Insecure Anxious in my attachment style. After reading a lot about people and why I get so attached to them took me back to my childhood. For instance, Both my parents were working and I used to stay in the creche most of the time. I still have this faded memory when they used to drop me off at my creche and they always tricked me into some game or probably asked me to check what other kids are doing in the next room and the moment I come back to tell them, Boom! They are not there and that was the time my insecurity started to dwell. 

There were few more instances like this, that was the starting time when such little instances made me anxious, fearful, and now I have severe trust issues for people who are close to me. I always come across as someone who does not care about feelings and people but when I do, it gets creepy! Trust me, I get on their nerves in that fear of losing them forever. 

Now when I have struggled with these attachments for a good amount of time, I need to change them for a better future. I know my attachment style and the root cause of such behavior. Also, I am not blaming my parents for anything as they have offered me the best care and love one could ever get. I do consider myself lucky as when compared to my friends but whatever you do there is always something which cannot be accomplished right. My relationships with people were highly affected by this attachment, incapability to let go of what was mine once. I learned the hard way out but writing this for people who blame others for their miseries because “Most of the time he who complains about others is himself at fault”. 

Your parents might not understand you or vice versa but this is not a war. This is your battle to deal with, everyone is struggling to be better for tomorrow. Be better for yourself not for others. Your anxiety, fears, instability would not hamper anyone but you will be the only one to suffer. Stop blaming people, do your inner child work with discipline and consciousness. Your parents did what they had to do at that moment, there was no other alternative at that time. We all have attachment styles and it's completely up to us how consciously we deal with them. It requires a lot of patience and constant discipline to shut that mental self monologue which limits our opportunity to grow.

Take charge of your life and be the change. Start Now.

Love & Peace!