The Purple Anxiety

 

  "It's an entire world of just sixty-four squares. I feel safe in it. I can control it. I can dominate it. And it's predictable. So if I get hurt, I only have myself to blame."   - Beth Harmon (The Queen's Gambit) Patterns are everywhere in every form. People have certain patterns that are injurious to health. It takes time to build patterns and ages to break them. Everyday habits make our pattern and we get used to it. It is hard to break patterns but possible with Self-discipline and Self-aware assistance. People with long term patterns suffer and feel helpless at times. I know someone who has a pattern of going back and forth for people for whom they care and love. But this isn't it, these patterns will suck out your life and you will feel stuck.  Patterns are repetitive. They will repeat themselves and you won’t even realize because there is comfort, no fear of the unknown.   The basic fear of the unknown never lets you move out and keeps you safe. We all

  " Whenever you experience the pangs of losing something, don't treat it like a part of yourself but as a breakable glass, so when it falls you will remember that and won't be troubled. So too, whenever you kiss your child, sibling, or friend, don't layer on top of the experience all the things you might wish, but hold them back and stop them, just as those who ride behind triumphant generals remind them they are mortal. In the same way, remind yourself that your precious one isn't one of your possessions, but some thing given for now, not forever... " -EPICTETUS, DISCOURSES, 3.24.84-86a Since yesterday, I have been feeling a little insecure about my existence yet again. I haven't had this feeling since months lately. I really don’t know what’s wrong but again something is bothering me and I could not locate what is wrong with me. Why I have started feeling incapable yet again. There could be a lot of reasons for this but I think I haven't healed from

So many faces but I chose to be yours. I chose to be your "the one".    I chose you over everyone. I chose to invest in you. I chose to be with you. Your one smile lights up my day like someone has offered me the best of both worlds. You did not know how important your one call or text was to me. You were my place. I wish I could say the same. Deep down there was a feeling for you which was new, What I didn't know, we would end up like this because this time I didn't choose you over everyone else. If life was easy, we might have chosen each other again but who are we to blame. You were my day and night. Waiting for you all day long made me want you more and more. Now, when you are gone you are my muse for all the art I create. I know we will meet again but at some other time and space. We belong to each other and we will always remain the same.